Ian Cooper
This is my wish list for a few performance parts for a
2004 Chrysler PT
Cruiser. There are all kinds of mods you could make. Just so you know, mine
has the sunroof, a five-speed manual gearbox, power everything. The stereo is
nice and there is a driver’s side seat heater for those cold winter mornings.
My first thought was a set of Hooker
headers. It’s a lot of money although I’m sure it would sound good. It
seems a bit nuts to put headers on there if you don’t plan on doing anything
else to the engine. However, we could sure get a nice sound from a cat-back
free-flow exhaust system
like this, and who knows, it might add a horsey or two onto the top-end
figures.
Every kid knows about cold air
induction. But this kit looks fairly inexpensive and you might get a couple
of additional horsepower on the Chrysler 2.4-litre four cylinder engine in the
PT.
This is some kind of spacer that
goes in between the thingy and the thingamabobber.
It’s only eighty bucks so we might as well throw that
in the shopping cart…I have no idea what that does but I do love tormenting the
neighbours. That will teach you to look over my shoulder all the time, Mofo.
I saw a PT going down the road the other day and it
sounded pretty good. It also had some stripes on there, most likely factory. That
car was purple, which does say something about the driver. The horn blows too,
as we all know. But I sort of wondered and then Googled around.
These are
really cute,
I kind of like the chrome colour.
In the bad old days, we might have used premium fuel
for the simplest, cheapest performance boost possible. The occasional tank of
94-octane (as opposed to the regular 87-octane) won’t hurt the engine or the
plugs. A little jug of fuel
injector cleaner in there once or twice a year won’t hurt either.
All kinds of tips and pointers here.
Bearing in mind the price difference between regular
and premium, that might not be worth it these days unless we plan on jacking
into the engine computer. In this particular case, we have no plans to do that.
Simply removing the rear seats might take
a hundred pounds from the car, although one comment here says two hundred.
Mine are the leather ones, which probably are the heaviest. On a car of this
weight, 3,123 lbs., you’re maybe taking three percent of the total mass away
from your package. This is the cheapest extra horsepower you’re ever going to
get. Yeah, I don’t have kids and most of the time I’m alone in the car. The real
problem is where to leave them when you live in an apartment and the car is
three hundred feet and a few flights of steps away.
Also, I’m a lazy cunt.
When you’re young and the hair still hasn’t started
falling, you really ought to get a set of Recaro
bucket seats. If this doesn’t convince the ladies of the sheer bulk of your
cojones, this writer is completely mystified by women.
Oh, yeah, Baby. Put a pair of them in there for me,
willya? And we probably need one of
these in here too.
We really ought to throw some aftermarket electronic
goodies on there as long as we got that old Kickstarter campaign going….shit.
Did I say that?
Please don’t tell the ODSP.
One of
these babies would work well. I could have a second career as a tech
blogger if I'm not careful. (All the tech bloggers have them in their
airplanes.)
Oh, yeah, and she’s looking a bit dusty lately.
Did I say she’s black, with black, on black, with
black trim and accessories and a little bit of extra black checked off on the
option list for good measure?
Fog
lamps are always worthwhile, and who knows, maybe you won’t have to go to
the speed shop to put them in. Ah, who are we kidding.
Then there’s the whole Cragar thing. (Mag
wheels.)
I’m just kidding, ladies and gentlemen. Ha! We’ve
already got mag wheels on there.
Sorry. I was just goofing around.
Pirellis.
Because it’s a wish list. It’s not like I have the money to do any of this!
Fuzzy
Dice. (Wiki.)
Other than that, it’s pretty easy to piss away a lot
of money on a crappy old car.
It might be fun, though.
This might be the last car I own before I die.
Which is kind of sad, when you think about it.
(Aw. – ed.)
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